Breathalyzer.

One day I woke up in the morning and got myself a beer. It was a clear cloudless day. Nothing but blue in the sky. The sun was beating down onto my skin as I drank my cold beer in my favourite breakfast chair on the merbau patio, which rests on top of a big hill and looks out towards a long sandstone beach. I was able to see everything clearly. The birds were flying in the open air and a few kookaburras were hiding from the sun, in between the branches with laugher. Out on the water, I watched the people dance in the ocean. Surfers riding the waves and tried to show off their skills. If I was interested in surfing, I may have been impressed. Twenty-nine degrees at ten o'clock and I could feel the strong Aussie heat wave climbing it's way to thirty-four. After I drank le verre de petit déjeuner, I walked over to the kitchen to grab another cold one, after all it was the last day of the year.

It is no secret that the land down under is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. The stunning beaches along the coast, the mountains to ski during the winters and the forests filled with wild creatures; all those things make the big country shine bright. Overall, the Australian people are predominantly happy all year round. The land of the lucky, they say. Yet, I am an Aussie bloke and every time I return to Australia, there is a distance feeling I get because I have never been able to adjust to the Aussie way of life. Even my own accent is American mixed with Aussie slang, "Yeah, nah, nah, nah mate! Ya'll ought to swing it like a baseball bat fool!" Moving around the globe constantly has given my life a certain instability. Living a life of a lucky gypsy. Searching for something that I can never find on my home ground; Contentment, excitement and happiness.

Last day of the year and I had no plans expect to have a few cold ones and let the Spotify playlist go lose on the mix; Rock, Jazz, Metal, Hip-Hop and no Mumble Rap face tattooed phony artists. When I cracked the third beer, my stomach made a loud rumbling sound. To settle the hunger, I made myself something to eat; Vegemite and toast. By the early afternoon I had received an unexpected text from an old colleague. He invited me to come over and celebrate le fin de l'année with him and his friends. Since the social life for me is somewhat in a drought and dull in this country, I could not refuse the invitation. I had always got along well with Jerry. His family background is Dutch and French descended. He was raised in Australia. He is about five feet eight with a well-built body. He has a good sense of humour and always sarcastically commenting on his friend's quirky habits in his funny way. He has wide knowledge about literature and authors. If anyone needed to find a good read, he would be the man to go to. After the fifth bottle dried up, I got suited up and kept it simple under the heat; Black Ray-bans shades. A white Calvin Klein shirt with navy blue jeans and black Nike Air Max with the white tick.

To attend to a house party empty handed is disrespectful in my opinion. And I think everyone would agree. I had stopped by the liquor store on the way over. One hundred and seventy dollars gone within a blink of an eye. Living in one of the world's most beautiful countries comes with a high price; A packet of smokes, thirty-five dollars. One case of Corona, Fifty-five dollars and eighty dollars for a bottle of Jim Beam. Share the beer and keep Jim all to myself. The big fancy bottle was all mine to drown myself in to forget about the money.

When I walked into the house, there was no reason to knock since the door was already opened. The house looked like it was built back in the late nineteen forties. Old and shabby but with good character. I heard some sort of dance pop music coming from the back of the house when I stepped in. I walked towards la musique and had a quick peep into rooms as I walked down the hallway, the rooms weren't vary large and you could tell that no female lived here. The music became recognisable and it was Pink, Get the party started and I felt depressed straight away. "They better be taking a piss or something or I am going to regret this" I said out loud but there was nobody there to have heard me and found the living room area. It was very modern set up with the open kitchen. I saw the ice box and loaded some beers into it and could still hear Pink chanting, and it made me want a strong one. I opened the bourbon and took a good swing at it. I stole some lime from the table, sliced them up and used my lighter to open the Corona and took big gulp from the beer. I left the bourbon on the table and lit a cigarette. As I blew the smoke over my left shoulder I looked through the big glass sliding door and saw a group of people outside, playing in the pool.

As I walked out and onto the pool decking area, two girls and a guy were standing on the edge of the pool with their backs facing the water. I couldn't work out what they were doing. Everyone turned to greet me with a smile and I gave out a big rainbow wave with my right hand, starting from the left side to over my head and stopped when my arm was fully stretched out to my right side."Hey Man! Glad you made it." Jerry yelled out looking at me. I had a private laugh with myself because he was laying on the orange pool bed, floating on the water in the exact same way as Dustin Hoffman in the movie, The Graduate. The scene was almost identical. He had a drink in one hand, holding it above his chest. He had his black sunglasses over his eyes and the other hand behind his head. He wore short blue shorts. It was like he had been preparing for that moment. I asked him what was going on and why the three of his friends were standing up on the edge of the pool in such a way. "It's Backflip competition bro" said the big Fijian guy with a smile. He was in the water floating beside me as I stood there on the deck. He looked like a scary motherfucker. Big and fearless. Tattoos all over his body. Clean shaved head. He was already drunk, but in a good way. I also felt good too myself.

Introductions and names were given. I didn't really pay attention to it, knowing that I will never see these people again in the near future. Someone came out from the house and had a case of beer in his hand. The four girls in the water cheered with their hands in the air, "Yeah bro, nice one!" I heard the Fijian say. By then I needed another drink and walked back into the kitchen to secure the JB and made myself a good mix. The guy with the beer introduced himself as Ethan, or Elijah. Something like that. He was one of Jerry's good friends. He was about five feet five, like me. Slightly broader. He had a unique accent as well, a sort of American mixed with Aussie slang. It did not make me feel so special any more. I was very annoyed that I had meet someone who talks and sounds like me. My accent is my key to open the, often thick, social doorways and get involved with talking to girls or for any form of social gathering. "Where are you from?" "What accent is that?" "Are you American or Irish or French?" These are the opening questions that get the conversation rolling between me and them. And it works every time single time. Jerry's buddy, was born in Chicago and moved to Australia in the mid nineties after his mother had died. His father remarried to an Australian from Melbourne. He was all right kind of guy. He wouldn't shut up about his homemade brewery and how proud he was. He brought a sample to the party in a big brown glass bottle. I took a good mouthful and after it went down, burning everything inside me, I told him that I would stick with the bourbon.

The weather was still hot in the evening after the sun had gone to sleep. All of us were outside by the pool deck and exchanging life stories, telling jokes to each other and sharing the working life experiences. No drinking games, no crazy aggressive behaviour. Everything was just perfect with good solid drinking under the southern cross stars. I lit up a joint and passed it to the left and no one wanted to take a toke. That was the first time that ever happen to me. I did not complain. Two hours later, we started to pack up and go to another house. I was told that the next place had a better view of the fireworks and we could see the city skyline from it. Everyone was debating who was sober enough to drive over to the next location. One of the girls picked up her hand bag and pulled out a small silver portable breathalyser. "Those cheap ones are never really accurate" I said to her politely. Everyone turned their heads and looked at her to see what I was referring to. And then games had just begun.

Who was the drunk one was the question? Everybody stood out on the deck and got super excited. Everybody wanted to test out the cool new toy. I popped another Corona and watch them go at it. Most of the people blew into the breathalyser and reached at 0.50. Two girls blew at least at 0.30. The Fijian blew at 0.102. I was quite surprised as I was expecting something higher number than that considering he was big fella. Jerry's alcohol level had hit 0.80 something. He looked disappointed and took a mouthful of his Scotch. Jerry's good friend had blown into the device and he got 0.108. He was very proud of his results. I was the last one to test the damn thing and I was curious. I was already hammered. But I felt pretty damn good. I wiped the tube a few times. I waited for the green light to appear. When it turned green I blew gently. Everybody stood there and waited for the signal sound for me to stop blowing. When I had finished blowing, Jerry snatched the device of me and looked at it. The BAC level was at 0.117. It was the highest record they had seen. Jerry and his friends had lost their minds and congratulated me. It was very emotional and overwhelming moment. It came down to the two girls who had the score of 0.30. It had become their responsibility to take care of the rest of us. Everyone got packed into the two vehicles and snaked around the backstreets to get to the house.

Mid-night had struck and the view of the fireworks was phenomenal. Rainbows in the dark sky. The sound of rockets Bursting, spattering and exploding the seven colors in the air; Red, green, yellow, orange, violet, cyan and blue. A new year and my head was sore. I found the breathalyser on a table after the vivid show and blew into the silver device again. The very last thing I remember was 0.126.

#Australia #Sydney #SocialEvent #Lifeexperience